definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
