i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
