I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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