shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
As shirtless as possible
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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