I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
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