It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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