Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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