Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
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