Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
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