Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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