I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
I know her cup size but not her name....
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
