sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
