I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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