there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
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