I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Church boner. Awkwardddd
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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