The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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