why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
