FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Randomize
