im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
