Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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