At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Randomize
