How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
worst night to have a conscience
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
