wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Randomize
