Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Randomize
