sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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