forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
