i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
