On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
