I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
