Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
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