It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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