why didn't you poke me back
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
