if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Randomize
