why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
