Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
