My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
