real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
