My first STD was from a foam party
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
