My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
