hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
