I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
