so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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