Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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