If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I would ride that face into the sunset
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
