At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
