The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
