I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Randomize
