Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
