Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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