My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
