It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Randomize
