so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
3 2 1 whiskey
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
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