i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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