I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
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