her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
