his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
